Your heart is like the sound of a solo violin Whether that violin is playing a soft, gentle tune all to itself, or letting out a woeful cry I can tell only by looking at you, or seeing those soulful eyes That you are hurting But even when the song is sad, that violin always sounds so beautiful.
You look at me with love and emotion ineffable And I hear that violin, even now One lingering note of this melody brings me to my knees, Never in my life have I heard music so lovely.
Your one sound is the softest in all the world Other instruments drown you out in their crescendos, and you are never heard But here in this silent room, I hear your gentle hymn.
As you look back at me, the violin's sweet cry increases in volume And quivers with a sweet, quiet joy So peaceful and loving, it echoes on forever Lingering on long after its instrument is gone.
So deeply, my heart is pierced The entire world seems to move through me This one song makes me part of something greater than myself And greater than the world For never again will I feel this close to Heaven.
Let the cry of my own heart's voice swell and rise with yours in song For you are my Only I would never feel so worthy of this duet If you hadn't made me part of you.
I will hear this music forever And so will I love you, my One Long after life has come to an end For always you will play me this eternal hymn On your one violin.
From one poet to another. It was wonderful, the sentimental meaning behind it seems deep and tragic almost. I could see almost all the metaphors you used for the violin. It is a beautiful instrument, isn't it? I actually have one, I can only play country on it though, my mother on the other hand... XD
I may not like violins, but the style is something I like. It's like human speech, but not slang or anything like that. I think this piece of yours borders between poetic composition and public speeches.
Some honest critique: (that means good stuff too!) You have very strong imagery, which is a fantastic starting point for a poem. Your metaphors are great as well--I love the word "duet" used, especially. In my opinion, with the musical theme, it might have been nice to have a nice Ballad structure of a poem, or at least some sort of structure--you may want to consider some meter and organization. Also, it seems as if your punctuation is used a little oddly--you don't have to put a period at the end of every stanza, and you could certainly have more if you think the poem should pause for a moment. Read it out loud to yourself, and the pauses should present themselves naturally.
I hope this quick comment was helpful, and I hope you continue to write poetry!